Monday, June 29, 2009 at 5:02 AM
After two hours of sleep I wake up from this nightmare...but I don't remember what it was anymore!? I swear it was only seconds ago this is so odd...
Been sleeping so bad recently. Always wake up after a few hours. Or sleeping at really bad hours. Then ending up sleeping through the day. This is really bad since my parents are arriving Tuesday evening. Need to remember to pick them up at the airport.
Going to watch Transformers with some people in a few hours so I really should sleep for another few hours. If I end up falling asleep in the movie I'll be super pissed off later! Maybe I'll blog about that later.
Baby I miss you so much...
Day 2.
Friday, June 5, 2009 at 4:06 AM
so hot can't sleep....woke up after 3 hours and started watching CSI
WHY IS IT SO HOT...
one more week of summer class....I need to find something to do...more specifically a job...or something to keep me busy =_____= summer is so boring yet so relaxing.
been thinking about alot of stuff lately since my mom keeps asking...what I am going to do after grad. She keeps asking me if I want to go back to Taiwan...I am just thinking...go back and do what?? Then she goes on saying how they wouldn't mind sending me to Japan either to study more...but I really don't know...honestly I am scared of going off to a foreign place. I like it here in Vancouver where I familiar with places. Taiwan seems all that foreign to me too. I grew up in Vancouver and its just a part of me now...I can't see myself elsewhere. Maybe because I don't want to be elsewhere. I think thats why I never considered other schools other than UBC.
oh wells i still have a year plus...although I really need to put some thought into it. But Taiwan is definately out of the question...
gg me...sleep time totally a mess....
@nana: lol! I just read your entry. Mini cactus?? people send flowers because aren't flowers more romantic??? vinetrap made me lol-ed...OKAY I'll mail you something really weird then ;) after you move. Although how do you even mail plants...??
Fear causes me to lose sight of everything.
Drowned by my own emotions.
I am suffocating here.
Won't you save me?
Tuesday, June 2, 2009 at 11:22 AM
I want answers.
To questions that I fear.
Fear to face.
Fear to ask.
Because I know its my fault.
Monday, June 1, 2009 at 3:20 AM
I think I should reflect on my decisions alot more rather than just put everything behind me. I always find myself thinking if I forget about it then maybe it'll all go away. But in the end it always just comes back to haunt me.
This feeling of regret.
Its not the first time. Regret. Why I was so weak. Why I didn't do this. Why I am so stupid. Why I couldn't have fixed it. Why I only seek to run from my problems than face them. Why I end up hurting someone I care about.
This fear of knowing. Knowing that I am being hated. Knowing that I not being loved. Knowing that you're mad. Knowing that I've done something to upset you. I'd rather just not know.
But that doesn't mean I don't notice it. Just...I have yet to accept it.
Maybe its not because of me. Maybe its something else.
Because I am just not worth it.
But in reality. I do want to know.
I know I am stupid. I am bad at playing guessing games. I cannot read minds.
I just want to know why. I want you to tell me. To tell me what I can do to fix things. To make things better. To make things back the way they were before. Even though I should be the one to notice. To notice my mistakes. To correct myself.
If only I wasn't this helplesly stupid.
at 3:15 AM
gomen
gomen
gomen
gomen
gomen
gomen
sore shika ienai...