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Eugenia Chen
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August 28, 1988
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Taiwanese
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University of British Columbia
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Vancouver, BC
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Puri
aau
Monday, June 1, 2009 at 3:20 AM
I think I should reflect on my decisions alot more rather than just put everything behind me. I always find myself thinking if I forget about it then maybe it'll all go away. But in the end it always just comes back to haunt me.
This feeling of regret.
Its not the first time. Regret. Why I was so weak. Why I didn't do this. Why I am so stupid. Why I couldn't have fixed it. Why I only seek to run from my problems than face them. Why I end up hurting someone I care about.
This fear of knowing. Knowing that I am being hated. Knowing that I not being loved. Knowing that you're mad. Knowing that I've done something to upset you. I'd rather just not know.
But that doesn't mean I don't notice it. Just...I have yet to accept it.
Maybe its not because of me. Maybe its something else.
Because I am just not worth it.
But in reality. I do want to know.
I know I am stupid. I am bad at playing guessing games. I cannot read minds.
I just want to know why. I want you to tell me. To tell me what I can do to fix things. To make things better. To make things back the way they were before. Even though I should be the one to notice. To notice my mistakes. To correct myself.
If only I wasn't this helplesly stupid.
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